An Article by: Mark Jago - Published with his permission.
The Opinions Expressed are those of the Author, who assures me the article was written under the influence of nothing stronger than decaffeinated coffee:
Good news, the Government is working tirelessly to create jobs for those British citizens negatively affected by the global economic crisis brought on by outside forces that would seek to undermine the social fabric of the British state.
Our supreme leader Gordon Brown returned on the weekend triumphant from an EU meeting where he secured European autocratic socialistic "order in our time" by agreeing compromises that would see UK financial regulators have an expanded role as part of a new super European financial regulator with powers over the City of London financial system. He gained reassurances that the UK Government would retain "the right to bail out UK Banks when the Government thought it necessary". In exchange he has agreed a compromise package of sweeteners that would encourage the Irish to ratify the Lisbon Treaty making any renegotiation of the Treaty by a future Conservative Government more difficult. European commissioners are keen to maintain their support for the Prime ministers Government until the Lisbon Treaty is ratified.
This news was overshadowed by continued state sponsored media headlines detailing more parliamentary expenses revelations. That had in its wake brought about Government party purges, prompting our supreme leader to respond with an early re-shuffling of his cabinet. He also decided to increase the number of his non-elected members of cabinet to ten and at the same time said that he intended to bring about Parliamentary reform. The Government sanctioned Conservative party opposition has now become concerned that their party will lose out on reforms designed to smooth our supreme leader's re-election.
In a move designed to bring his supporters rushing out on to the streets in celebration, state media reported our supreme leader Gordon Brown has announced his intention to lead the Labour party into the next general election securing a fourth successive term for the party. The spontaneous demonstration however failed to materialize and we can now report that an un-named source has informed us that Chancellor Alistair Darling had failed to secure an EEC grant to pay for security forces to round up the necessary "volunteers". We also found that placards that were to be used in the demonstration did not materialise because the Government had failed to pay a previous printing bill. The placards were supposed to be pictures of the supreme leader with captions saying "God Save our benevolent leader", "You saved the World and we love you" and "one party one leader for life". This after our supreme leader had allegedly said that he could quite easily leave the trappings of leadership behind and go into teaching. Apparently he was misunderstood because he was a little incoherent due to the fact that he had lost his temper at the time. What we believe he said was "If a few malcontents think they are going to make me give up the trappings of power they have another think coming". When is my little red book "The teachings of your supreme leader Gordon" going to be available from the printer's? I'm going to make this book compulsory reading for all UK citizens!
The alleged rift between are supreme leader and Chancellor Alistair Darling seems to be getting worse after budget forecasts for tax revenues were publicly reported to be falling short of expectations. The governor of the Bank of England, not someone who normally likes to associate himself with common talk about money has let it be known that some fix-up of the Country's finances may be necessary? We understand that he got into a little bit of a sweat after workers who were printing new twenty pound notes started to demand to be paid their wages in foreign currency. Apparently there had been some minor Government miscalculations based on their assumptions that the City of London was "The financial capital of the World" and that the Prime Minister had already saved the World's financial system. Was there a general breakdown in the coordination and communication between Government departments? The Government is denying the oppositions assertion that tax increases would be inevitable. A anonymous spokesperson for the Government said that the first planned autumn petrol tax increase originally planned to be at four pence a litre could be increased "to say forty pence" without constituting breaking the Governments promise not to bring in any "new" taxes.
Unrest has again been reported in the energy industry following the firing of some 51 contract worker's some 650 other workers who walked out in sympathy were then also fired. The allegation being that cheap foreign workers were being brought in to complete the Total refinery project. We hear from an undisclosed source that these workers are going to be offered re-training and jobs in law enforcement, social services and the funeral service industry. This as a reward for not advertizing the fact that the government and their UK banking friends have exploited foreign Companies developing North Sea energy and have forced some of them either into bankruptcy or to drastically reduce expansion plans. The resulting loss of jobs and tax revenue is said to be substantial.
In other news our supreme leader announced this week an enquiry into the Iraq war to be held behind mostly in private although the public will get to hear some conclusions. The inquiry he said will look into lessons learned and not apportion blame. Someone not wishing to be named said that the government would be interested in gaining a better understanding of how they managed to invade another country and commit murder without being indicted for war crimes?
There has been some good news out of the National Health Service after it was found that the number of deaths from deadly infections introduced during surgery had declined. It has been found that deaths are now more commonly attributed to delays in transporting patients to hospital and simple mistakes during the admission process. An industry spokesperson said that this was a "Win Win" solution because patients no longer have to face the likelihood of a prolonged agonizing death at public expense. A rumour that the number of patients turning down National Health Surgeries was substantial was said to be exaggerated. However the spokesperson did admit that for some reason that hospital admissions and even attendance at doctors sugeries had suddenly declined substantially and that there was no longer a problem with waiting times. The spokesperson reiterated the health services commitment to provide a prompt humane service.
Finally this week, a first successful test run of Britain's first high-speed domestic train service using a Japanese-built train that hit a speed of 143 miles per hour on route between London and Ashford was rapturously announced by British Transport Secretary Lord Adonis. This is a real tribute to the policies of successive British Governments over decades of encouraging the export of innovative British industries and talented engineers and scientist to countries where their technologies and talents are more appreciated. The new "very" limited service is to start only thirty three years after train regular 170mph service was introduced in Japan and some decades after high speed rail services became common place in France.
The Opinions Expressed are those of the Author, who assures me the article was written under the influence of nothing stronger than decaffeinated coffee:
Good news, the Government is working tirelessly to create jobs for those British citizens negatively affected by the global economic crisis brought on by outside forces that would seek to undermine the social fabric of the British state.
Our supreme leader Gordon Brown returned on the weekend triumphant from an EU meeting where he secured European autocratic socialistic "order in our time" by agreeing compromises that would see UK financial regulators have an expanded role as part of a new super European financial regulator with powers over the City of London financial system. He gained reassurances that the UK Government would retain "the right to bail out UK Banks when the Government thought it necessary". In exchange he has agreed a compromise package of sweeteners that would encourage the Irish to ratify the Lisbon Treaty making any renegotiation of the Treaty by a future Conservative Government more difficult. European commissioners are keen to maintain their support for the Prime ministers Government until the Lisbon Treaty is ratified.
This news was overshadowed by continued state sponsored media headlines detailing more parliamentary expenses revelations. That had in its wake brought about Government party purges, prompting our supreme leader to respond with an early re-shuffling of his cabinet. He also decided to increase the number of his non-elected members of cabinet to ten and at the same time said that he intended to bring about Parliamentary reform. The Government sanctioned Conservative party opposition has now become concerned that their party will lose out on reforms designed to smooth our supreme leader's re-election.
In a move designed to bring his supporters rushing out on to the streets in celebration, state media reported our supreme leader Gordon Brown has announced his intention to lead the Labour party into the next general election securing a fourth successive term for the party. The spontaneous demonstration however failed to materialize and we can now report that an un-named source has informed us that Chancellor Alistair Darling had failed to secure an EEC grant to pay for security forces to round up the necessary "volunteers". We also found that placards that were to be used in the demonstration did not materialise because the Government had failed to pay a previous printing bill. The placards were supposed to be pictures of the supreme leader with captions saying "God Save our benevolent leader", "You saved the World and we love you" and "one party one leader for life". This after our supreme leader had allegedly said that he could quite easily leave the trappings of leadership behind and go into teaching. Apparently he was misunderstood because he was a little incoherent due to the fact that he had lost his temper at the time. What we believe he said was "If a few malcontents think they are going to make me give up the trappings of power they have another think coming". When is my little red book "The teachings of your supreme leader Gordon" going to be available from the printer's? I'm going to make this book compulsory reading for all UK citizens!
The alleged rift between are supreme leader and Chancellor Alistair Darling seems to be getting worse after budget forecasts for tax revenues were publicly reported to be falling short of expectations. The governor of the Bank of England, not someone who normally likes to associate himself with common talk about money has let it be known that some fix-up of the Country's finances may be necessary? We understand that he got into a little bit of a sweat after workers who were printing new twenty pound notes started to demand to be paid their wages in foreign currency. Apparently there had been some minor Government miscalculations based on their assumptions that the City of London was "The financial capital of the World" and that the Prime Minister had already saved the World's financial system. Was there a general breakdown in the coordination and communication between Government departments? The Government is denying the oppositions assertion that tax increases would be inevitable. A anonymous spokesperson for the Government said that the first planned autumn petrol tax increase originally planned to be at four pence a litre could be increased "to say forty pence" without constituting breaking the Governments promise not to bring in any "new" taxes.
Unrest has again been reported in the energy industry following the firing of some 51 contract worker's some 650 other workers who walked out in sympathy were then also fired. The allegation being that cheap foreign workers were being brought in to complete the Total refinery project. We hear from an undisclosed source that these workers are going to be offered re-training and jobs in law enforcement, social services and the funeral service industry. This as a reward for not advertizing the fact that the government and their UK banking friends have exploited foreign Companies developing North Sea energy and have forced some of them either into bankruptcy or to drastically reduce expansion plans. The resulting loss of jobs and tax revenue is said to be substantial.
In other news our supreme leader announced this week an enquiry into the Iraq war to be held behind mostly in private although the public will get to hear some conclusions. The inquiry he said will look into lessons learned and not apportion blame. Someone not wishing to be named said that the government would be interested in gaining a better understanding of how they managed to invade another country and commit murder without being indicted for war crimes?
There has been some good news out of the National Health Service after it was found that the number of deaths from deadly infections introduced during surgery had declined. It has been found that deaths are now more commonly attributed to delays in transporting patients to hospital and simple mistakes during the admission process. An industry spokesperson said that this was a "Win Win" solution because patients no longer have to face the likelihood of a prolonged agonizing death at public expense. A rumour that the number of patients turning down National Health Surgeries was substantial was said to be exaggerated. However the spokesperson did admit that for some reason that hospital admissions and even attendance at doctors sugeries had suddenly declined substantially and that there was no longer a problem with waiting times. The spokesperson reiterated the health services commitment to provide a prompt humane service.
Finally this week, a first successful test run of Britain's first high-speed domestic train service using a Japanese-built train that hit a speed of 143 miles per hour on route between London and Ashford was rapturously announced by British Transport Secretary Lord Adonis. This is a real tribute to the policies of successive British Governments over decades of encouraging the export of innovative British industries and talented engineers and scientist to countries where their technologies and talents are more appreciated. The new "very" limited service is to start only thirty three years after train regular 170mph service was introduced in Japan and some decades after high speed rail services became common place in France.
No comments:
Post a Comment